Leonard Nimoy died this morning. When I saw the news pop up on my Facebook feed I immediately opened a new tab to search and verify, hoping that it was one of those hoaxes that seems to infest my Facebook.
I’m still crying.
When I was a kid I would watch Star Trek every chance I could get. Spock was my hero. I wanted to be a Vulcan and if I couldn’t be one I wanted to marry one. He was my first crush and my heart still skips a beat when I hear a clip of his voice. (sorry, Hubby)
When I was a child I had no real control over my emotions. The slightest change in routine would leave me in tears and the slightest upset would set off temper tantrums that I could not stop. I wanted to stop, don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t a spoiled brat like everyone assumed I was. I hated crying, I still hate to cry, I just couldn’t help it.
I identified with Spock. He came from a logical, rational race that had suppressed all of their emotions and that was what he tried to be. When his emotions did surface, it was always explosive and unstable. That was how I felt: constantly trying to remain calm and but still exploding into a teary mess.
With Spock in mind, I practiced breathing exercises and relaxation techniques and any other kind of emotional control I could learn or figure out. I still cry at the drop of a hat, but it is less taxing and easier to stop now. Between my mother’s patient coaching and Spock’s influence I can now go several days, if not weeks, without crying, which is a big deal.
So thank you, Leonard Nimoy. You had no idea who I am or what you did for me, but I appreciate it still and I’m going to miss you.